Ego... Help!

Lately, ego has been showing up for me in a very personal way—not just in conversations or teachings, but in my own body, my thoughts, and especially in my meditations.

As I’ve been navigating contrast in my life—unexpected experiences, interactions that left me unsettled, and moments with people who, quite honestly, triggered me—I noticed myself becoming frustrated. Not just with the situation, but with myself for even having those feelings.

And that’s when my guides gently nudged me:“What if you stopped judging those feelings, and got curious instead?”

So I began to explore. I asked myself open and honest questions throughout my day, especially in the moments when I felt annoyed, defensive, or reactive. Was this really me responding, or was it my ego stepping in to protect something I no longer needed?

As I walked, breathed, and reflected, I began to notice patterns—and I started applying gentle practices, like Ho’oponopono, to those moments. Not to fix or suppress them, but to heal them. To make peace.

I’m sharing this post not because I’ve mastered ego, but because I’m in relationship with it. I’m learning to see it not as something to battle, but as something to understand—with love, compassion, and clarity.

And maybe, as you read, you’ll find something that speaks to your own journey too.

What Is Ego, Really?

When we hear the word ego, it often conjures up images of someone who’s arrogant, boastful, or self-important. We’ve all encountered those moments—perhaps in ourselves or others—where ego seems to take the wheel, especially in times of competition, conflict, or stress.

But ego isn’t always loud and obvious. In fact, most of the time, ego is quiet. It works behind the scenes, whispering thoughts that shape how we see ourselves and the world around us. It’s not just a puffed-up sense of self—it can also be the subtle voice of limitation, fear, and separation.

So, what is the ego?

The ego is a part of our personality structure that helps us navigate the physical world. It’s the “I” we identify with—our name, our story, our roles. It gives us a sense of individuality. And while that’s not inherently bad, the ego becomes problematic when it begins to run the show unchecked.

It’s the voice that says:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “They’re better than me.”

• “I have to control this.”

• “What will people think?”

Rather than just inflating us, ego often keeps us small. It thrives on comparison, judgment, and separation. It tells us we are what we do, what we have, or what we’ve been through. And it resists change—because change threatens the identity it has so carefully constructed.

But here’s something important to remember: the ego is not our enemy.

It’s simply a survival mechanism. It developed to protect us, to give us structure, to help us belong. And sometimes, it does work in our favor—when it gives us the confidence to speak up, to claim our worth, to stand our ground. The key is learning to recognize when it’s helping—and when it’s hindering.

How Can You Tell the Difference?

Here are a few gentle signposts to help you discern:

1. Ego that serves your higher good feels empowering but not overpowering.

   • It says, “I deserve respect,” not, “I’m better than them.”

   • It encourages healthy boundaries, not walls built from fear.

2. Ego that holds you back feels tight, urgent, or anxious.

   • It rushes to defend, prove, or justify.

   • It clings to being right, or fears being wrong.

   • It reacts out of habit, not presence.

3. The ego serves you when it supports your truth without needing external validation.

   • If you can take aligned action without needing approval or applause, that’s a sign your ego is in harmony—not in control.

4. Pause and tune in. Ask yourself:

   • “Is this thought coming from fear or from love?”

   • “Am I protecting an image, or living from my truth?”

   • “Does this action feel expansive or restrictive?”

The body often knows before the mind catches up. If something makes your chest tighten or your energy drop, chances are, the ego has stepped in with a limiting narrative. If it feels light, aligned, and rooted in love, your true self is leading.

The ego will always be with us—it’s part of being human. But we’re not here to be ruled by it. We’re here to become aware of it, to thank it for its role, and then choose from a place of deeper wisdom.

With love and awareness,

Donna